How Following These Four Steps to Self-Care Changed My Life

What comes to your mind when you hear the phrase ‘Self-Care’?

Maybe you think of a day at a luxurious spa. Perhaps it is shopping for that perfect pair of boots. Or a romantic vacation on a tropical island.

These are all wonderful ways to practice self-care. The problem is, how often can you experience this type of activity?

What does self-care look like on a rainy November day when the laundry is piling up, the bills need to be paid and the babysitter you had booked for your weekend dinner date cancelled?

Or…. what does caring for yourself look like on the day after the American election?

It may be that self-care goes to the bottom of your list of priorities at times like this.

Regardless of how you voted or what your political beliefs may be, this is a pivotal time for all of us.

I find myself in the midst of deep grief, shock and and anger. I am a Canadian and I am impacted by the events happening right next door. I believe that sharing my sadness is the doorway to deeper connection and the love I am longing for. This is one way I practice self-care.

I have been thinking about the concept of self-care in my life. I know it is important. But, why is it a necessary thing for me to do? Can it become another ‘should’ in my already full life? What does it really look like for me? And, does it make a difference?

Here are four guiding principles for Self-Care in my life:

1. Self-Care starts with Self-Awareness

I used to follow the advice of the experts. Their latest tips and ideas were my guide. I would try one thing for a while, then another. Nothing seemed to fit my personality and my preferences.

It was when I realized that I had all the wisdom I needed within myself that my dance with self-care was filled with ease and flow. I knew exactly what steps to take because they were designed by me.

Knowing what I desire is the first step to what is sometimes described as the ‘sacred act of self-care’. This is not as easy as it sounds. Often when I ask women what they want, they say, ‘I want my children to be safe’, or ‘ I want my partner to be happy’. Their desires are all about others.

The big question is, ‘what do I want for myself?’ It is an act of radical courage to declare this. And, it is the first step in learning to care for myself.

2. Self-Care includes ‘Sorrow and Joy’

I am learning to experience the full range of emotions in my life. No more stuffing down the darker feelings of sadness, anger or anxiety. I allow the tears to flow and I accept myself with love as I process disappointment and loss.

I am also embracing laughter, fun, pleasure and light hearted moments. I let go of always looking good or getting it right. Instead I try new activities and explore fun activities. Zumba classes and hiking and swimming with my grandchildren  are some of the ways I practice lightness and play.

I feel congruence in my life because I am not pretending. I no longer say one thing and mean another. This leads to improved health and peace in my body and mind. Sounds like a positive benefit of self-care to me!

3. Self-Care is Sensual

Sensuality is a source of creativity and life-giving energy. Sensuality is when I fully embrace and appreciate the experiences life offers to me. I choose to spend time in nature, where a walk in the woods or a run on the sea wall fills me with joy.  I treasure time with friends. The conversations are nourishing to my spirit and I leave feeling encouraged and ready to face life’s challenges.

Food is another way of experiencing sensuality. I love making a big pot of soup. The aroma of onions and garlic surrounds me as I chop brightly coloured vegetables and set the soup to simmer for the afternoon. Giving my body food that feeds my senses is an act of self-care that I especially enjoy.

The softness of the rain on my face and the sound of crisp autumn leaves under my feet are gifts I accept from nature. Slowly easing into a warm bubble bath and floating in a space of restfulness soothes my body and my soul. The sweet, sticky kisses of my little grandchildren are another way I connect with my senses.

4. Self-Care is Saying NO

One of the signs that I am not caring for myself is when I feel resentful and I blame external circumstances for my situation. Irritability and impatience have become my teachers. They remind me that it is time to pay attention to what I have agreed to do. I have learned that true self-care includes saying no.

I find it challenging to set boundaries in my life. I want to be a helper. I want to be liked. The irony is that I can not be a support if I have resentment in my heart. My family does not enjoy my company when I am complaining or in a victim mode.

The alternative is to care for myself by being clear about what I will say yes to. In order for my ‘Yes’ to be authentic it is necessary I also say ‘No’. As a result I have more respect for myself. I am not as exhausted. And when I say yes, it is authentic and comes from a place of love and generosity.

Following these steps has transformed how I view self-care. I am playing with new ideas every day on my quest to care for myself in the best way possible.

What would you say now if I asked you, ‘What comes to your mind when you hear the phrase ‘Self-Care’? And, how would you reply to the question, ‘What do you do for your self-care?’

My desire is that you see this as the beginning of your journey to exquisite self-care.

I would love to hear how you practice this in your life. Leave a comment and I may get some new ideas from you!