Birthdays and Beginnings: The Three Things I Did to Prepare for My Birthday This Year

Except for this year.

I found myself feeling blue and anxious about my birthday. What was different for me this year? What was underneath my fear and hesitation to acknowledge this day?

This year was a ‘milestone’ birthday for me. And, I was seeing it as a burden that caused heaviness in my soul.

I was experiencing a shift in my identity as my birthday approached. And, I was resisting the reality that I was getting older. I began to think about the negative aspects of time rushing by, carrying me along against my will. There seemed to be nothing I could do to stop it.

As I held the belief that ‘old’ meant helpless, that is what I noticed. My attention was drawn to those who were unable to walk on their own. I saw people who looked sad and tired with slumped shoulders and downcast eyes. I imagined not having money to travel or treat myself to a day at the Spa. What if I became invisible to others? I worried I might ‘lose my voice’. Who listens to what an old woman has to say? Would I still have fun and have the energy to play? Would society expect me to start ‘acting my age’? Whatever that might mean, I was sure it wasn’t for me.

In spite of my questioning and uneasy state of mind, people were planning my birthday celebrations. My calendar filled up with parties and gatherings.

I began to wonder, ‘Is there another story I can create about this birthday?’

I am here to tell you, that, YES, there is another version of the story that I had about my birthday.

Perhaps you are on the brink of change in your life. You may be anxious and unsure about the challenges ahead. Keep reading and see if you can find support for your journey as I share what happened for me. Maybe you have a ‘big’ birthday coming up. Or you are expecting your first baby. It could be a new relationship. Whatever you are facing and whatever your new identity might be, you do have the resources to rewrite your story, just as I did.

Step one was admitting to myself what I was experiencing. I felt embarrassed that I had negative judgments about getting old. I was disappointed in myself for not having my usual joyful anticipation for my birthday. As I wrote in my journal, it became clear that I wanted a different experience. I wanted to embrace my birthday and celebrate joyfully.

Step two was an important one. I found a trusted friend to hear me. I was courageous and risked being vulnerable with her. She listened and gently asked some powerful questions.

What was I giving up or losing as I stepped into the new identity?

What voices in society was I listening to about this new phase in my life? Were they voices that would encourage me?

What did I want as I entered this next season of my life?

You can ask yourself these questions or reflect on them with a supportive friend or coach.

I realized that I was not actually giving up anything by being a certain age. The voices that limit my actions because of a certain number were not the ones I wanted to listen to. When I changed my focus from the ‘deficit mind set of aging’, I started to see many active, healthy and happy people around me who had celebrated more birthdays than me! There were many examples of older people starting new careers, learning new skills and enjoying their lives.

I wanted to create the life I was dreaming of regardless of which birthday I was celebrating. I started to get excited as I answered these questions. I saw myself as a Creator of a wonderful life. Not a victim of societal expectations and limitations.

Step three was choosing how to act in light of these insights. Here is where I am today. I am filled with gratitude for the years I have been given. Time is a gift given to me. I honour my life experience and the wisdom I have to offer. I can choose my thoughts. They are the foundation for my outlook on life. I have control over what I say and how I show up in the world.

The number of candles on my birthday cake do not really tell you my age!

I am a young at heart, vibrant, playful and passionate woman. And I plan to celebrate for many days to come!

What do you do to celebrate your life transitions? How do you navigate your identity shifts or the milestones in your life?

Please share in the comments below. I look forward to hearing from you.