Six Steps to Finding Love in the Most Unexpected Places

Valentine’s Day has come and gone for another year. This can be a day filled with pleasure and celebration. Or it can be a time of grief and loneliness. Love is in the air. Red roses seem to be everywhere. Heart shaped gift boxes wrapped in pink ribbon and lace fill the shop windows. There are chocolates for your sweetheart, and special treats for your loved ones.

Is this really Love? Roses fade and the chocolates get eaten.

Don’t get me wrong. I love receiving a bouquet of roses and I love it even more if a chocolate treat comes with the roses! But this doesn’t always happen. What then? Am I unloved? What do I make that mean?

Let me share with you my six steps to finding love in unexpected places.

The first place to find love is in your relationship with yourself. What is your love life like ? I am talking about your love life with Yourself. I have learned that it is only as I fall in love with myself that others are attracted to me. The capacity I have for loving others is directly related to how deep my love is for myself. Showing compassion to myself and enjoying my own company create an energy of joy and love of life that attracts others to me.

Sounds good, but what does this really look like? Seeing yourself as worthy of being loved is the start. Then, talk to yourself as you would a good friend. Honour your gifts and quirkiness. Show up as worthy of being present in the world. Celebrate your unique gifts, and show up to the world as someone others are lucky to meet.

The second step to finding love is practicing Gratitude. As I notice the things in my day that I am grateful for, I find myself loving my life and what I am surrounded with. Gratitude for the ordinary opens up a window of love and joy for me. I invite you to tell others what you are appreciating and see what happens. Chances are they will respond with their own stories of gratitude and you will experience love in that interaction!

Having an attitude of gratitude sends a message that you are on the look out for the best life has to offer. As you focus on what you appreciate and what you want more of, you will find this is what comes into your life. It is true that what you focus on grows and expands!

Thirdly, see Pleasure as your Purpose. Feel into what you long to experience and make that happen. Make your choices based on what will bring you joy and pleasure. This may seem counter-intuitive at first. However, if you are truly happy, those around you will be happy. As you do this, you will engage in activities that you love, and that you are good at. And, so you will be successful and create ease and joy in your life.

I used to think this was a selfish approach to life. How could putting my happiness first be a gift to others? As I have tried this approach, I have experienced the benefit of fun and pleasure in my life. I feel loved. And, I am getting stuff done!

Here is step number four. Smile and Laugh often. Your mood is contagious just as the flu virus is contagious. Experiment with ‘infecting others with your joy’. As you smile, you will encourage others to do the same. The spark of your smile is able to ignite a wave of happiness in your world. You may find that you don’t feel like smiling. I suggest you do it anyway. Your brain will follow your lead and your endorphin levels will rise as you smile and laugh. And, suddenly, you will realize you are genuinely happy! And those around you will notice the positive energy. This is an example of love in your world.

The fifth step is Generosity. Love grows as generosity flows. This could be in the form of giving money, and there are many other ways to be generous. Offering your help to a new mother by cleaning her house, buying groceries for a house-bound elderly neighbour, or walking a friend’s dog are all examples of generosity. The key is to give from your heart. This is not a guilt trip or a way to ‘pay back’ someone else’s generosity. It is a gift that you are giving from your desire to be of service,with no ‘strings attached’.

Lastly we get to step number six. Be Curious. What does curiosity have to do with love? When I meet with people, I often have a specific idea of how their love should show up in my life. I think to myself, ‘If they really love me, they will ask me about my business. They will want to hear how I am doing in my life journey’. I wait for them to ask me about these things. And, when that does not happen, I think to myself, ‘See, they don’t really love me after all!’ What actually happens, is that I miss the love that they are showing me in other ways. This is where curiosity comes in. I have learned that as I relate to others, if I am interested in them and if look for clues to how they are expressing interest in me, I see love. It just looks different than I expected.

Curiosity can also be the gateway to passion. Follow your interests and explore what intrigues you. Rather than focusing on things like, ‘will this make me money? Or will this lead me to my life partner?’ choose to follow your curiosity. Who knows what may result? This could be the clue that leads you to your life partner or a joyful career choice. I do know that it will bring love into your life!

Love has many faces. Love means many things to different people. And, as you seek love in your life, I hope that these steps will be a start for you to find Love.

I look forward to hearing from you. Post your comments below and let me know what love looks like in your life!