Dancing With Disappointment

Today was a cool January morning and I was determined to get moving, even though my heart felt heavy. I walked briskly along the sea wall, barely noticing the beauty around me. Then I heard these words from a woman I passed. They got my attention and I found myself wanting to run after her to hear more. What did she say that caught my attention? What would create this response in me?

She was telling her friend, ‘All my plans have been cancelled for this week.’ I missed the rest of the conversation and oh, how I longed to interrupt her and say, ‘Mine too. How are you coping with this change?’ As I kept walking I reflected on what was going on for me.

I like to think of myself as an easy going person. I am learning to ‘go with the flow’. I can be spontaneous and gracious when plans change. Except for this week. I showed up differently. My carefully scheduled days were turned upside down. Lunches were cancelled. Walks on the beach postponed. Clients were not available as I had hoped. My days stretched out as empty as my fridge when I have not shopped for a week. I felt sad, mad, disappointed, and low in energy. Even though I now had all this free time, I had no interest in writing, reading and creating for my coaching business. I was stuck in a place of self-pity.

Has this ever happened to you? Maybe you are the type of person that is happy when things get cancelled! Or you are able to shrug it off, and make the most of your free time. What did I do to deal with my disappointment? Here is my experience. Perhaps it will resonate with you.

I went to my trusted journal. This is my ‘safe place’ where I can vent and process with no fear of judgment. As Brene Brown says in her book, ‘Rising Strong’, sometime it helps to write a ‘shitty first draft’. This is a chance to fully describe my experience in its total messiness. It is not to be read by anyone else, and may need to be shredded after it is done! I got in touch with my disappointment, and what was underneath. I freely wrote about ‘what I was making this all mean’. Was I losing my friends? Did people not want to be with me anymore? Why was ‘everyone’ giving up on me? I allowed myself to feel sorry for me, to be in a place of shame and sadness.

After I ran out of words, I took a break. I had a bowl of homemade soup and took time to rest. When I went back to my journal and read over my words, I realized that this truly was ‘my story’ of what had happened. My interpretation and not really the ‘facts’.

I then reframed my version of what had happened. I got in touch with the possible reasons for the change of events. I realized that other circumstances were in play. It was not just about me. I remembered that these dear people in my life were doing the best they could. I felt a sense of compassion for them and their challenges. I saw them practicing self-care and I realized I could learn from them about that. My heart softened and I got curious about what might happen next.

I chose to embrace this space as a gift to myself. I practiced being quiet and alone. I got out my colouring book and completed a mandela as music played and the sun set over the ocean. I recognized that there is a bigger plan and that maybe I needed this time to rest and reflect. If I had done all that I originally planned, I may have been exhausted and drained.

Surrender came to my mind. ‘Letting go’ of what is out of my control results in a sense of peace and joy in my heart. I want to celebrate what I have learned from my disappointment. I am not just ‘dealing’ with it. I am dancing in the joy of noticing my experience and then choosing to transform how it impacts me.

How do you ‘dance with disappointment’? I would love to hear from you. Let’s get a conversation going around this human experience!

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