Why Celebrate?

‘Congratulations, Marjorie! You have written a book. What a great accomplishment. You should be so proud and happy.’

These were the words I heard last week. My editor and I met for our weekly business call and she was referring to a goal that I have reached.

I have completed the first draft of my book!

I have been writing regularly for the past five months. I set an intention to finish draft number one by the end of August. It seemed like an insurmountable goal when I set it way back in early April. Could I really stay on track and meet my target? Especially in the midst of life….. helping with childcare for my grandchildren, visiting my father in Winnipeg, staying in touch with my friends, and keeping up my daily walking routine and nurturing myself with healthy meals and rest when I needed it.

I have wanted to write a book for many years and I had this belief that it was not something I could do. Other people wrote books, not me. I did not see myself as capable or creative enough. I have always loved writing, and mostly, it has been for me. I have boxes of journals and notebooks filled with my thoughts, emotions and experiences. Even when I started writing blog posts I didn’t see myself as an author.

Then over the past year or so, clues started showing up on my path to get me imagining what it might be like to actually write a book. My coaching colleague and dear friend, Amanda Johnson, wrote a book called Becoming Enough. It is a powerful read and an inspiring message that reminded me that I am able to use my gifts as I accept that I am enough.

After her book was published, she started her business as a ‘book doula’ and editor. She encouraged me to work with her and get started on my book. I kept saying no. Then, in March of this year, I had a conversation with my son-in-law. We were discussing creativity and artistic projects. I talked about writing a book someday. He looked at me and said, ‘Don’t you think it’s time to stop talking about writing, and write?’

That question was like an arrow to my heart. I heard it as a loving challenge that I answered with a resounding yes. Yes, it was time to start writing. I said Yes to Amanda’s invitation to work with her as my coach and editor. I declared that I was writing a book and so, here I am, five months later, with a draft manuscript waiting to be polished and revised before final editing is done.

Now I can say, ‘I have written a book’. You would think I would be thrilled and excited, ready to tell everyone about how far I have come on this path to my book being published.

Instead, I am struggling to accept the truth of this, and to celebrate.

What is keeping me from receiving my editor’s words of acknowledgement? Why would I hesitate to accept and celebrate the fact that I have written the first draft of my book?

I know I am not the only one that finds it hard to celebrate.

She tells me I am a gifted writer with a powerful message. She is proud of my determination to keep going towards my goal, and she is excited for the next steps as we work together to bring my book to the world.

I hear her words, and I find myself thinking, ‘She’s not really serious. She has to say these things because I am paying her to be my editor. It can’t really be me she is talking about.’

I was embarrassed to admit to her what was on my mind. I got quiet and wanted to end our call. What was wrong with me? I had written a chapter in my book about receiving. Why was I unable to put to practice what I wrote about?

I took a deep breath, and allowed my emotion to surface. My tears fell as I told her what I was thinking and feeling. I said I was upset at myself, and felt a sense of shame that I couldn’t accept her words as truth. She listened quietly as I processed my experience with her. I paused, and actually heard what I was saying. I realized that I was giving in to the lies that my inner-critic was telling me. Those messages of criticism drowned out anything else.

Then I reminded myself that if I did not believe in myself, I would not be able to accept her words of affirmation. If I did not see myself as worthy of being a writer with an important message for the world, I would not be able to receive her acknowledgement. This is the paradox of receiving. It occurs when I first admit my gifts to myself. Only then am I truly able to receive from others.

The paradox of receiving: you first must give to yourself before you can receive from others

We paused to take some more deep breaths together, and she led me in a series of Celebration Questions. These are a guide to celebrating that we were introduced to in our coaching program, Mentor Masterclass. I knew that these questions would support me to believe in myself.

There was the question: ‘what have I done to reach this milestone?‘

As I reflected on this, I found more cause for celebration. I was approaching my book writing from what I describe as a ‘feminine’ perspective. In the past, I pushed myself to complete a task, or meet a goal. It was going to get done, regardless of how tired I was, or what else was calling for my attention. This time around, I was doing things differently.

My word for this year is Lightness and I wanted to write with this type of energy. I chose to focus on my writing environment, and I spent a lot of my time outdoors on our patio. The hummingbirds visited as I sat in the shade of the maple tree and listened to the soothing sounds of the water fountain. I was able to enjoy writing in nature instead of missing out on the summer.

Even though I said no to trips to the beach or outings with friends, I also paced myself and trusted that when I did take a day to rest or have fun, I would come back renewed. This is what happened. I learned that writing could be done from a place of lightness and flow. When I felt discouraged, I reached out to my editor and accepted her support and reminder that this time would not last forever.

Then there was the question: ‘who have I become as a result of reaching this goal?‘

This one got me thinking. I heard my inner-critic yelling in my ear, ‘you are not really an author. Your book is not even published yet. Who do you think you are?’ As I listened I became aware of the choice I had in that moment. I heard another voice whispering to my soul.

Which voice would I pay attention to? The voice of what I sometimes call my ‘inner mean girl’? Or the voice of my inner wisdom? The voice I call my ‘Wise Woman’?

I chose my Wise Woman.

I imagined her holding out her arms to embrace me and congratulate me. I heard her whispering that I have become a woman who is willing to write from her heart with authenticity and vulnerability. I am devoted to my writing and I am coachable as I work with my editor. I am a woman who is aware of the magic and synchronicity of life. I have a deep knowing that my life has been divinely led and I am continuing to say yes to life.

My energy shifted and I was filled with joy and excitement. Taking the time to celebrate was the key to me seeing myself as a writer with a message that the world was waiting for.

I am intrigued by this experience. I know I am not the only one that finds it hard to celebrate. Others have shared with me that they struggle to take the time to stop and notice what they have accomplished. They quickly move on to the next project. And, then, they get weary. There is never a space to stop and recognize what has been completed.

Celebrating is a break; a time to renew energy. It is essential to our creativity.

Celebrating offers a time to stop and rest and it renews energy for the next steps. Just as rest breaks are crucial on a long hike, it is true that rest stops are important for our creative projects and for life in general.

I saw myself differently when I paused and listened to my inner wisdom. I saw myself as a writer with the gift of sharing my story with the world. This view of myself will give me courage and inspiration for the next phase of my book writing journey. I now know that I am capable of revising my rough draft. I can trust myself to continue writing with Lightness from a place of authenticity and love.

Stay tuned for my next celebration! I am inspired to keep working and writing and I am grateful for your support as my readers. I look forward to sharing the finished project with you, and I welcome your words of encouragement as I continue on this path.