Waiting for the fish to bite

What happens when you wait? What do you think about? What are you feeling? What do you wish would happen?

Life is made up of waiting.

When I was a young girl, I waited impatiently for Christmas Day. I waited eagerly for my birthday. I counted the days until summer camp started.

Now I have a friend who is waiting for her grandchild to be born. At the same time, she is waiting to see how her aging father will cope with his new living arrangements.

Another woman I know is waiting to find meaning in her life now that she is retired. Waiting to discover a passion or challenge that fits her new season in life.

A friend has just moved to a new home. In the midst of transition, she is waiting. Waiting to see if her choices about the next steps in her career are right for her. She is waiting for her wisdom to guide her, and the path is not always smooth and peaceful.

I wait for a reply from my far away friend whose husband is dying. I wait for over two months. When I get the letter with the news that he died in the summer, I am struck by deep sadness for my dear friend. Then another type of waiting happens. I wait until I feel ready to respond to her. Until I find the words to write that express my sorrow and love for her.

I think back to the times when I check into the airport on my way to visit my father. I am struck by the paradox of ‘hurry up and wait’. Long lineups mean waiting. Then there is the pressure to quickly get checked at the security gates. No lingering is allowed at that point!

I wait on a bench by the river after a long walk. This kind of waiting is restful and invites me to enjoy the time gazing at the water and the late afternoon light in the trees.

Waiting for the first dahlia to bloom in our garden reminds me that I can not rush the pace of nature. I have no choice but to wait.

Last weekend my husband and I walked by the river on a sunny afternoon. We stopped to watch a group of people with fishing rods in their hands. We waited to see if they would actually catch anything. I was amazed at their patience as they stood with hip waders in the rushing cold water of the river. They held steady as they kept waiting for the fish to bite.

We watched and waited with them from the shore.

Then it happened! The fishing line bent over and danced in the sunshine. Slowly the big salmon was reeled in. A picture was taken, and the fish was released into the river. I wonder if the fish was waiting to be released?

My experience of waiting depends on what I am waiting for.

Waiting to hear the results of a medical test is one of the most stressful types of waiting. My imagination goes wild with the worst case scenario as I wait impatiently to hear if there will be a serious illness in my future.

If I am waiting in the dentist office, I feel anxious. My palms are sweaty and my breathing is shallow. Often my stomach is doing flips and I struggle to sit quietly. I wish I could run away!

I just got the news that a dear coaching colleague is coming to visit from Atlanta! As I wait for her visit, I have a vastly different experience. My stomach is doing flips this time too. Only now it is due to eager anticipation and excitement as I imagine our time together. I plan ahead about what we will do together and it is hard for me to focus on anything else.

Waiting is especially present for me in my book writing journey right now.

I was proud and happy to complete my revisions for my book early in October. I focused on this goal, and my days were filled with reviewing and rewriting. I was eager to hand the manuscript over to my editor for her round of copyediting.

I was not prepared for what would happen next. Suddenly there was no writing for me to do on my book. In fact, my editor told me that she doesn’t want me looking at the manuscript until she has completed her task.

So I wait.

I wander aimlessly around the house. I feel lost. I have no purpose. What should I do with my empty days? I don’t seem to have the energy to get things done around the house, even though now I have the time. Waiting feels heavy and ……..weighty.

I noticed I was irritable and edgy. I found the slightest change in plans caused me to become upset and judgmental of others and myself. Self-compassion flew out the window.

In the midst of my waiting, I thought of my Wise Woman. Was it possible she had some suggestions to support me? Of course, she did. She was also waiting. Waiting for me to start listening. When I stopped resisting, I heard her voice.

She encouraged me to start paying attention to my physical energy. I was exhausted, and I didn’t even know it. When I finally stopped, I realized how tired I was. I allowed myself to take action from a place of wanting to, rather than out of duty. I slowed down by not setting my alarm and sleeping in as long as I wanted to. I walked when I was ready, instead of early in the morning to ‘get it done’. I stopped to smile hello to people and pet their dogs. I paused to take photos of the fall colours. The reflections on the water prompted me to think about what my life was reflecting.

I accepted the healing touch of my massage therapist. I booked a visit with my acupuncturist, who encouraged me to get lots of rest during this time of waiting. She could tell my energy was depleted and I listened to her wise words. I took time to play with our far away friends who came for a visit. I felt lightness and renewed energy as we walked in nature, reminisced and shared delicious food. I do not remember the last time I laughed so much. This playtime was truly a time of rejuvenation for me!

Ordinary chores took on new meaning for me. I enjoyed clearing out my closet and packing a box of clothes for the thrift store. The fragrance of the pumpkin spice muffins I baked filled the house, and I spent a leisurely morning picking flowers from our garden. I smiled as I lined up as many vases as I could find, in order to choose the perfect container for the bouquets.

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After a week or two, I was rested enough to book a birthday lunch to celebrate one of my sisters, and I met a friend for a long overdue visit. I read novels, and made space to catch up on podcasts and articles that I had been wanting to read. I even watched Game #7 of the World Series with my husband and enjoyed the drama of this mesmerizing game.

As I settle into my new rhythm of spaciousness and rest, I think back to the days when I was waiting for the births of my babies. With each of my three children, I got impatient. When would my labour start? I felt awkward and heavy, and I wanted this birth to happen. Then, after the baby arrived, I wondered what my rush was. I longed for the uninterrupted nights of sleep, and the meals that didn’t get cold because my baby needed feeding. Why was I not willing to wait?

I wonder if this is true for me at this stage of my life? I know that there are many more tasks waiting for me before my book is launched. Can I value this time of rest and play, before the next round of work begins for me? What if caring for myself now will prepare me for the next few months? There will be long hours and I will be called to draw on creative energy as I get back to reviewing, marketing and promoting my book.

I am here to remind myself that waiting can be a gift. When I choose to embrace the space of waiting, rather than fighting it, I discover the wisdom to care for myself and the courage to trust that I will have the resources I need to meet the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead.

I would love to hear from you what your experience of waiting is like. I will be waiting to hear from you!