…And Why Self-Compassion is a Necessary Part of These Gifts

There are times in my life when I wish I wasn’t so aware of my experience. Something unexpected happens. Or someone says something to me that is hurtful.

I notice what is happening in my body. My heart races, my face gets flushed and I clench my fists. I wonder, ‘How could they be so rude?’ I feel upset and anxious and I want to disappear from sight.

I do not enjoy this!

Or it could be that I don’t keep my word with someone I love. I act out of integrity. I lie in bed that night and become aware of what really happened. I don’t like what I see. I feel mad at myself and I wish I was a kinder person. I want to hide. Sleep is elusive as I squirm in shame.

Life would be so much easier if I could just ‘let stuff go’ without analyzing so much.

Or would it?

I think back to past times in my life when I was not as aware of my experience. I wonder if there are people I hurt without realizing it. Maybe some of the upsets in my life could have been prevented if I had been more aware of the impact I was having on others.

I have come to believe that Self-Awareness is a gift in my life.

  • With Awareness comes Choice
    Once I am aware of what is happening, I can choose how to respond, rather than react in an unthinking way.
  • With Awareness comes Clarity
    I can be clear with others about my experience. You may be wondering what is going on for me, struggling to know how to relate to me. When I know what my experience is, I am able to tell you and we can move on from there.
  • With Awareness come Care
    I notice situations that may be stressful for me. Because of my awareness I take extra time to prepare. I may get some rest, or ask for some coaching before a challenging conversation. I take care of myself intentionally.
  • With Awareness comes Collaboration
    When I am self-aware, I find myself more committed to understanding others. This makes it easier to work together with clarity and purpose.
  • With Awareness comes Connection
    This gift has come into my life when I realized that self-awareness was not enough on its own. Self-compassion is an integral part of this journey.

You may be wondering, ‘What does self-compassion have to do with self-awareness?

Think back to the image of me ‘squirming in shame’ during a sleepless night.

I was aware of my experience. I knew there had been an impact because of my actions. It was my self- awareness that led to a painful experience for me.

This is the point where Compassion can be a healing touch.

Here’s how it looks for me.

I talk to myself kindly. I acknowledge my suffering and remind myself that I am not alone. I am human and the human experience is imperfect. I focus on the pain rather than my failure. As I have mentioned in another blog post, Kristin Neff has been a teacher of mine as I am learning about self-compassion.

I may give myself a hug. I breathe deeply and I tell myself I am worthy of love and belonging. I plan the conversation I want to have with the person I disappointed. By being vulnerable and asking forgiveness from those I have hurt, I experience connection and a sense of belonging.

[pullquote width=”300″ float=”right”]Connection happens when I am courageously vulnerable[/pullquote]

Brene Brown, in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, says that as humans we are hard-wired for love and connection. Her research shows that connection happens when I am courageously vulnerable. She is another wise teacher for me as I dig deeper and learn about these principles.

As I show compassion to myself, I relax and peacefully fall asleep.

I am eager to continue on this adventure of deepening self-awareness.

How about you? Do you know what you are experiencing? Are you curious how self-compassion could support you?

[disclaim]I would love to hear from you in the comments below about your story. Or, I invite you to set up a complimentary discovery session with me to talk further.

Your life will be richer and fuller as you develop awareness of your experience accompanied by compassion.[/disclaim]


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