Learning from the Questions
I have always loved asking questions. As a child, I wanted to know more. I was curious, reading all types of books and seeking new information. Questioning my teachers did not intimidate me. I wanted to know more and that was a way for me to learn.
Asking questions of the people I met in my life has enriched my relationships and led me to creating new friendships. I was intrigued by the different experiences and stories people had to share.
Then I became a nurse. Here was a career that required asking questions in order to give care. It was a perfect fit for me, and my love of asking questions helped me thrive professionally.
As time went on I noticed a shift in my relationship to questions. I continued to be curious about things. I read and researched to gain new knowledge. I continued to enjoy meeting people and asking about their lives. And, there was something else happening.
So, what changed for me? How was I looking at questions now?
I began to ask questions of myself. Who was I? What was really important for me in my life? What did I want to experience?
I moved from questions about the external world and other people, to questions about my inner life. I began a journey of inquiry and self-reflection. As I did this, I became aware of several things about questions.
Asking questions can be a way of me getting clear on what it is I want.
For most of my early life I was concerned about being a helper and meeting the needs of others. The idea of putting myself first was a foreign concept.
I found it challenging to ask myself the question: ‘What does Marjorie want?’ This shift didn’t happen quickly. Further questions followed. I wondered, ‘Am I being selfish?’ ‘How will seeking what I want impact others in my life?’ Here is what I realized as I allowed these questions to challenge me.
When I got clear on my wants and paid attention to what was important to me, I was able to give to others from a place of love and joy. This led to a sense of lightness and pleasure in my life, rather than the burden of responsibility I had carried for so long.
Asking questions does not alway lead to an answer.
I like knowing the answer to a question. Certainty is comforting to me. Give me a sense of what is going to happen and how it will all work out, and I am happy!
And, of course, this is not the way life works. I am learning that ‘not knowing’ is part of life. Ambiguity sits along side of my longing to know like an unwelcome guest at a party. Some days I have more questions than answers. A big question for me right now is, ‘How do I live my life with joy in the midst of ‘not knowing’?
Waiting to hear about a friend’s health journey. Not knowing how my parents will manage as they are becoming more frail and need more help. Not understanding the reason why cancer affects so many. What will all the people do whose homes have been lost in the fires of Ft. McMurray? And, what I am to learn from the times I feel sad and discouraged? Is it okay to sit with dark emotions? Will they pass?
I am practicing living in this place of questions. It is a choice for me to notice that I do not know. This leads to my next realization about questions.
Questions are not to be feared.
The words of Rainer Maria Rilke in the poem, ‘Letters to a Young Poet’, speak to this.
‘Try to love the questions themselves.
It is a question of experiencing everything.
At present, you need to live the questions.’
I am curious about this approach. What might occur as I ‘live the question’? Is it surrendering my need to know? What if I accept the fact that I don’t have to control the outcome? What if I could trust that all is as it should be, even in the midst of chaos and challenge?
This is a conscious choice I make each day. To notice the questions. To be okay with not knowing. To breathe into trust and surrender my need for control and be open to the gift of questions in my life.
I leave you with these questions. I invite you to play with the idea of being okay with not knowing. As you reflect on this, I look forward to hearing from you. Please let me know how this journey is for you. Share in the comments below or send me a message!
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