I have spent many hours learning about my personality over the years. I am intrigued by the results of different assessments in which I have participated. Common themes have emerged and I find myself wondering, ‘How did they know that about me? How is it that these results fit so closely to who I am?’
I have come to realize that I am energized by time with others. I love to reach out and connect with a variety of people on a regular basis. I am also someone who feels happy when I am helping others. My nursing career was a perfect fit for me. My sense of purpose and identity in life was linked to the ways in which I contributed to others’ well being.
I want to celebrate these aspects of my personality. My life is rich and full because of the many friends I have. I am proud of all the people I have helped in my life. As a life coach, I continue to fulfill my role as a helper with my clients.
And, I have learned that there is another perspective.
I have become aware of the ‘shadow side’ of who I am. Certain aspects of my behaviour no longer satisfy me. There are times I feel restless when I am with people for too long. I don’t always want to be the one to plan an event or reach out to others.
As a person who is a ‘helper’, I see so many needs around me. I don’t always have the energy to be supportive. I wonder, ‘Why am I weary? Am I paying attention to what Marjorie needs?’
At other times I may offer help and it is not accepted. Who am I if no one wants my help? This prompts me to ask myself, ‘Why am I really helping? Is it for others’ approval? Or is it given from my heart, with no need for a specific response?’
[pullquote width=”300″ float=”right”]With awareness comes the choice to act differently.[/pullquote]
I do not enjoy seeing this side of myself! I want to focus on the fun, playful, friendly, helpful parts of me. And, yet, I know that ignoring these ‘shadows’ will not foster a sense of integrity and wholeness deep within myself.
One of my favourite tools in learning about my self is the Enneagram. The book, ‘The Wisdom of the Enneagram‘ by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, looks at the psychological and spiritual growth of the nine personality types of the Enneagram Assessment tool.
As I have studied this book, and thought about how I show up in my world, I have been prompted to try an experiment. Here are some questions I was asked to explore in order to experience another way of being. I have many aspects to my personality and this is a way for me to try a new way of behaving.
The first question was:
What would happen if I put aside my list of people to contact and spent some quality time alone?
My initial reaction was a sense of anxiety. What would quality time alone look like? What if my friends thought I was ignoring them?
I chose to give this a try in spite of my resistance.
I realized that I enjoy my own company. I read a novel with my morning coffee and walked in the early morning light. I lingered along the way, taking photos of the brilliant colours reflected in the water. I paid attention to my energy and chose to have a nap after lunch. My pattern has been to push through any tiredness, instead of pausing to rest. I thought about my family and let go of planning the next event.
Today was for me.
Because of this experiment, I feel rested and peaceful. I will be ready to reach out with renewed energy tomorrow. Or maybe next week………
The second question was:
How can I be aware of my ‘secondary motivations’ to help people and be appreciated for what I have done?’
This is a challenging experiment for me. I am hesitant to admit that my motives may be selfish as I offer help or seek appreciation from others.
I focused on this last week. As I noticed the patterns and saw my habitual responses to life, I caught myself in the act and I chose to release myself from the shadow side of my personality type. I practiced giving without expecting a specific response. I checked in with myself before I offered assistance to be sure I was truly giving from a place of love, and not to be noticed for the ‘helpful’ person that I am. I was surprised how established my usual patterns are. And, I am also happy to say that I have the ability to change. With awareness comes the choice to act differently.
I wonder what your personality preferences are? Have you experimented with acting out of character?
What ‘shadows’ have you noticed in your life?
[disclaim]
Post a comment or send me a message with your insights and thoughts. What gives me courage to keep going is knowing I am not alone!
[/disclaim]
0 Comments